The message on the fridge waited for him. The kids weren’t there, they would be at camp for almost another week. The note, held by a magnet, fluttered accusingly when he opened the door to look inside. He closed the door after finding nothing of interest and ran his fingers through his hair, inhaling deeply. He let the breath out and snatched the letter from the refrigerator door.
It read:
“Hi, baby. I wanted to talk about last night. You know I can have trouble finding the right words when you’re already upset by something. I thought that maybe writing it and organizing my thoughts as I go might help.
I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. Saying that it wasn’t my intention doesn’t help, because you probably already know that. I still want to say it. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable and I’m sorry.
I know you’re used to me calling you Daddy around the house, around the kids, but this was much different, obviously.
You are the Daddy of this home. That’s you. I think of the way you look after me. And us. You can be a grumpy, surly man, you know. Sometimes it’s all I can do to get out of your way. But I think of the way you get upset when you think I’ve been treated unfairly by some one. I think of your protectiveness. You’re a good man. You have a good heart. I trust that heart of yours. I’m trying not to cry, but if I do, I’ll try not to let any spill onto this letter.”
She had drawn a smiley face with one tear coming down.
He stopped reading and whispered, “damn it, honey, what are you doing to me?”, and wiped at his eye with the heel of his free hand. Any resistance he might have had was torn away by a few sentences and a crude drawing. He continued to read.
“Okay, the hard part.
I have never called you Daddy in the bedroom. Until last night. That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought it, though. The thing that hurt the most was when you looked at me after you jumped up and said, ‘I have kids’, like I didn’t know that. I felt your judgment burning a hole in me”.
He sighed and shook his head and read on.
“Here’s the thing: I’m not looking for incestuous role playing. I have NO desire to imagine you being my father. It has absolutely nothing to do with that. I’m not pretending to be a little kid when I think that.
For many women, there is a formative time in their lives when Daddy is where it all starts and stops. Little girls look to their Daddies for the final answer on everything. Daddy’s word is law and final. As far as those little girls are concerned, if Daddy says he can kick God’s ass, God had better watch his step.”
He tossed his head back and laughed before continuing.
“For a short and impressive time in girl’s life, Daddy is the ultimate power in the universe.
When I felt that kind of power engulfing me, the word slipped out. It’s my own fault for letting myself think of you that way outside of appropriate circumstances. I need you to understand, however, that that’s the way it feels for me sometimes. The way you take me and fuck me and love me and hold me and protect me and tell me that I please you. Do you have any idea what it’s like to bring pleasure to the ultimate power in the universe? I do.
My solution is simple. I’m going to stop using that word in that way. There are other words that can express that feeling and I will find them. I want your comfort. I want your happiness and pleasure. I just wanted you to know where it came from and how I felt.
I love you, sexy man. I can’t wait to get home and see you. You better not be upset with me”. And she had signed off with another smiley face with a tongue sticking out.
His fingers ran through his hair, again, then rubbed his face for a while. He searched for a pen.
…
She came in, dropped her keys and purse on the edge of the counter, already turning her head to see if the note was still there. The note that replaced hers was much shorter than hers had been. She didn’t need to pick it up to read it. Her face went from anxious to a slight smile that bloomed as she read the words “Come into the bedroom, baby. Daddy’s waiting”.